Dear diary,

I have a diary now! Mom got me it for my birthday and she said it is a good idea to keep a journal so I can read it again when I am older.

Right now I am in bed waiting for mom and dad to tuck me in. I am making up a story in my head while I wait, where a monster attacks my school and takes my crush hostage. And then I stand up to the monster and fight it to save everyone and they’re all rooting for me, even the bullies. And then the monster attacks me and I almost get killed and everyone is scared that I died, and my crush is really sad that I am dead and admits that he secretly had a crush on me all along. And the monster is about to eat him but I get up and reveal that I am not dead and I have super powers! I turn into a magic wolf in front of everyone and they cheer for me as I fight the monster and kill it and save the whole school. The bullies are also cheering and say how cool it was that I saved them all and that I’m awesome after all. And then my crush says I knew you weren’t dead and then he hugs me.

Or maybe instead, one of the bullies is evil and secretly working with the monster and helps it get into the school to take everyone hostage but I manage to sneak away before everyone is caught. And all my friends are wondering how I escaped and if I got away safely. But then the bully tells them no one is coming to save them and everyone is scared that they’re going to be eaten, and suddenly I burst in and tell the monster to leave them alone! And the bully laughs because I’m a weakling who can’t do anything to save my friends, and he orders the monster to attack my crush. And then the monster picks up my crush to eat him, but I get really mad and reveal that I have powers and I shapeshift into a wolf and attack the monster! We fight and everyone is rooting for me to win and I do a final big sacrifice and finally defeat the monster but it knocks me into the wall and I turn back into a human. My crush runs over to pick me up and is grateful that I saved him but is crying because it looks like I was killed. And he reveals quietly that he had a crush on me and now he’ll never have the chance to tell me, but that’s when I wake up and I say I like him too and we finally hug. And everyone cheers while the bully is kicked out of school for being secretly evil.

I made sure I was in bed by 8:30pm like normal and tried to fall asleep, but my leg was achy and restless tonight and I kept not being comfortable and having to flip over.

But then I heard mom finally turn the TV off and the house got quiet and I started to panic because I knew that meant she would be going to sleep soon and I only had a little while to fall asleep before it was too late.

And then dad started snoring loudly and it kept me awake even though I yelled RICHARD YOU’RE SNORING at him from my bedroom like mom always does to make him be quiet.

And now it’s 11:45pm and I can’t fall asleep no matter how much I try to relax all my muscles or breathe slow or say my mantra “I’m calm, I’m relaxed, I’m ok” but it’s not working and I am not calm or relaxed because none of it is helping like it’s supposed to. Nothing ever helps, not any of the sleepy time tea or the warm milk or the warm bath or anything that we try, and I’m going to have to feel like this every night for the rest of my life

My chest is hurting from sadness pangs and I don’t know how to make them go away. It feels the same as when I have to call mom to come pick me up from a sleepover when everyone fell asleep because their house feels like a stranger.

It feels like I have been awake forever, but it’s not even halfway through the night and I am already crying because this is going to go on forever and morning is so far away. This is never going to end because time moves so slowly at night and I will be trapped here forever

The whole world is asleep and I’m the only one awake

why can’t someone else be awake with me right now to keep me company until I fall asleep

why did they have to fall asleep first and leave me behind

why can’t I fall asleep I just want to go to sleep please just let me fall asleep

I want to sleep I want to be calm I want to be relaxed and be ok

I don’t want to be crying anymore I want to feel tired

I want to fall asleep and wake up in the morning please let me fall asleep

please just let me finally go to sleep I am so tired of feeling like this I want to fall asleep

please

The last few weeks have been ok but tonight it happened again because I had to stay up later than normal to finish my homework. Everyone fell asleep already so now I am stuck awake by myself and I started to feel lonely.

But then I heard our dog Cookie trying to come up the stairs so I turned on my light and went to help her. And then I brought her into my room and played dress-up with her to keep me company since I was already awake. Normally she does not like when I put bracelets on her ears and will try to shake them off, but she let me do it this time because I think she knows that I needed company.

She left a little while ago but since I was still wide awake and my light was already on, I decided to draw another comic for my crush until I actually feel sleepy.

My crush always tries to steal my glasses cleaning cloth that he calls “hanky” when I’m not looking, so I nicknamed him the “hanky swiper.” I drew one comic already about the Hanky Swiper trying to catch Hanky, but Hanky is smarter and makes him fall into a disguised pit, and when I showed it to my crush he really liked it and wanted me to draw another one. So this one is about Hanky pranking the Hanky Swiper by changing his calendar to make him think it’s Sunday instead of Monday. And when the Hanky Swiper wakes up he thinks it’s the weekend, so he misses school and then gets an F on his test because he was absent! I will show it to him tomorrow whenever he tries to steal Hanky again, which will probably be during math class because his desk is next to mine.

I think I am finally feeling tired, so maybe I can fall asleep now. Dad is still snoring but I found out that I can turn my radio on so I don’t hear him, and also makes it sound like there’s someone else awake with me.

Good night, diary.